Monster meat feast defeats would-be conquerer
EVER get the feeling you've bitten off more than you can possibly chew? That was me yesterday.
I saw a viral sensation take off out of Mooloolaba's Wikid Fish n Chips Café, and thought it would be worth a story.
Next thing I know I'm being roped into tackling the beast.
The monster - dubbed the Hikolestaroll, is complete with deep fried patties, bacon, cheese and onion rings - on top of loaded fries and shake. It contains a ridiculous 5000 calories.
I was already starting to regret my decision when I went along to the Brisbane Rd business at 1pm.
It didn't help when I arrived, chef Clint Northcott half laughed at me for simply attempting it.
His laughter was not without good reason.
I'm 70kg wringing wet, hardly built to tame such a burger.
Now the challenge must be completed in a strict 20 minutes.
That's burger, chips and shake, the full nine yards.
Could you tackle the monster burger challenge at Mooloolaba's Wikid Fish n Chips Cafe?
This poll ended on 25 October 2019.
Yep. Let me at it.
No way, that looks like a heart attack on a plate.
I'd give it a crack.
This is not a scientific poll. The results reflect only the opinions of those who chose to participate.
If you fail you pay up the full $35.
Nevertheless, I gave it a red hot crack.
The burger was delicious. I'm a huge fan of sesame seeds, so the first third of the burger was a delight, bbq sauce, hint of spice, yum yum.
The chips were going down well too, but I forgot about the bloody milkshake.
Ten minutes in my jaw was getting tired but I'd devoured half of it, and was feeling pretty content. I could easily could have tapped out there.
But like the little engine that could, I chugged on.
I hit a wall when 13 minutes ticked over.
My stomach was aching, I had the meat sweats and still a small mountain to conquer.
I struggled on barely chewing for another three minutes but tapped out.
It defeated me. Even now, writing this I feel like a failure.
This challenge goes pound for pound with the likes of Kenilworth Bakery's iconic 1kg donut, Dirty Moes' philly sub, Hello Harry's fat bastard, and the soon to be launched STFU burger at Noosa's Ze Pickle.
Winning diners not only get a free meal but a certificate and go on the wall of fame.